So here's a very controversial topic about motherhood: BREASTFEEDING. The dreaded B word that makes new moms run to the hills! I have heard a lot of friends rehash their breastfeeding journeys, from the sleepless night, to the endless crying, to cracked nipples and to PPD! Having heard so many horror stories about it, I have decided early on that I will not pressure myself to breastfeed. If I am blessed with breastmilk as soon as my baby comes then that would be wonderful! Problem solved before it even begins, but if I don't then I wouldn't sweat about it. You see, my siblings and I were not breastfed and we all turned out fine. We all went to good universities and had our own "thing" that we were good at. My husband and I talked about it before I delivered and we both agreed that feeding our daughter well is better than forcing something that leaves her hungry and makes me depressed. We packed a small can of formula and feeding bottles in our hospital bag as well as my breast pump, we were prepared for anything.
Okay, so we were all set! Our mind was made up and there's nothing that can go wrong now, right? Right? WRONG!
The thing is, even though you don't pressure yourself, it's the
community that pressures you.
Hospitals in the Philippines are mandated by the government to promote breastfeeding. This means that artificial teats and formulas are not allowed to be used inside the hospital. Nurses and pediatric residents check on you regularly to see if the baby is breastfeeding, even at the wee hours of the morning. Yes, they whoopdi-doo! I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension on my second trimester so my blood pressure is being strictly monitored for the next 6 weeks. The first three nights with E was challenging to say the least. Take note that she only cries when she's hungry and SHE CRIED EVERY SINGLE HOUR. Even when I had her directly latched to me, she still cried to be fed every hour. My blood pressure went up and I had migraines the rest of the day. Add to that, I was slowly recovering from my C-section. I wanted to scream and cry! Don't get me wrong, the nurses that took care of us during our hospital stay were angels. They helped us tremendously but there's this unspoken pressure that you have to breastfeed, in fear of being judged; and so I did even when all I wanted to do was sleep. I hated seeing E cry and I know she was hungry. I wasn't producing enough milk so it didn't matter that she was latched on to me because she was sucking nothing. I felt helpless and useless. I was ashamed to ask E's Pediatrician for a formula prescription because I didn't want to be judged as a bad mom. I didn't want people to think that I was only starting and I'm giving up already. Luckily, my mother was there to the rescue. She was the one who brought up the topic with the doctor. At first the Pediatrician was adamant for me to continue exclusively breastfeeding but since my BP was still going up, she finally gave us a prescription before we went home. Our deal was that I would still continuously give E breastmilk but I can use formula to supplement her feeding. Whew! Thank God we had a doctor who was understanding. At home, I give her breastmilk and formula. The first week, I gave her as much colostrum as I could pump but I didn't hesitate to give her formula when she was hungry and I had nothing to give her. Today, E is a fully fed and happy baby. My BP is more controllable and the migraines are gone.
From a new mom to a new mom, here are some things to remember:
Never compare yourself with other people, especially when you are not in the same situation. Don't look at Instagram posts of moms with stacks of pumped breastmilk and feel bad because you couldn't even pump an ounce! Comparing yourself to other people is the start of a downward spiral that not everyone can survive. There was a funny moment at our pedia's clinic when a couple ahead of us with their 3 month old baby went for a check up. The clinic is small so you can hear their conversation. The pedia asked the mom how her breastfeeding was and the mom proudly said that she has now so much milk that they are now donating it to those in need. The doctor said happily, "Wow, good job mommy!" The first thing that came to my mind was, "Oh crap, I'm next and I still have low supply!" 😂
You just had a major operation. Whether you had a normal delivery or Caesarian section, these caused trauma to your body so you need to rest. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You don't need to be a martyr to be a great mom. It's hard to delegate sometimes, especially when you feel that you can do a much better job. I, myself, am guilty of this. I was up and about as soon as we got home. Sleeping while the baby is sleeping never really made sense to me. I'm afraid of what ifs. What if she wakes up and I don't or what if I'm asleep and she accidentally covers her nose with her mitts? Babies are nose breathers, after all. After a few days, my whole back started acting up and I had to force myself to rest lying down. Take it easy, accepting that you cannot do everything is the first step.
When I was still pregnant, I have friends who had advised me about this. They told me how they felt so much pressure from the breastfeeding community to exclusively breastfeed because they felt like they had to - to be a good mom. They didn't have enough breastmilk so either they felt depressed, the baby lost too much weight or they were exhausted. Moms also have to take care of their health - both physical, emotional and mental. You can't take care of a baby when you are at your wit's end. Supplementing with formula does not make you a bad mom. My decision to mix feed my daughter didn't come with its fair share of judgement. I've had a couple of people who gave me raised eyebrows followed with the question, "You are mixed feeding ALREADY?" when I tell them about it. It took a lot not to just scream at them and say, "Why don't YOU breastfeed my baby?" 😅
Feeling guilty is normal. I've had restless nights, feeling bad about "giving up" too early. Just surround yourself with people who support you. Find an outlet. Write a blog! Find something that can keep you sane. You are your baby's mom. Even though, like me, there are still so many things to learn, know that doing your best is enough. YOU are enough. Don't let others make you feel otherwise.
Now at 6 weeks post-partum, I am happy to say that I am 95% at peace with myself about this issue.. The other 5%? I just shove it inside a small virtual box, seal it tight and try not to even attempt to open it. 😜
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